I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
