still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I have feelings that need drinking.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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