the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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