I am in a vortex of obligation.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize