I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
