big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
