He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Sober January is a disaster.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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