I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
