My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
