I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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