I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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