im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize