were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
