I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
