was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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