great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
