Having a random hookup so left but love u
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
