i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
