Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize