There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
