The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
should my penis look like a turkey
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
