Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
