There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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