the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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