Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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