D3 body, D1 cock
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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