the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
