i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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