I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize