Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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