Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
