I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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