Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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