so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
