He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
