Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
