Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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