I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
