Please, let me fuck your mom
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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