the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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