Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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