Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
