Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
