Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize