you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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