I want you more than these girls want KFC
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My breasts were aching with rage.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
