i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
