Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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