yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Randomize
