You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
