I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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