this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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