I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
