Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
