Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
