Her vagina should come with caution tape.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
