Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
