Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I enjoy the company of your penis
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
