dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
it glows. i had to have it.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
