my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize