i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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