she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
