at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
