The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
