he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
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