i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
