when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
