He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
