forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
