i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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