so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
