Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
