She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I will pee on everything he values.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
