so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
