I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
