Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
