She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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