I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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