where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you would pick up someone in the library
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
