dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
she peed on how many people?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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