It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize