every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
