Are we in a gay sports bar?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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