I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
