Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
