My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
