her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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