Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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