Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
