: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize