if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I have fence marks all over my body
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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