everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
