is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
