My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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