Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
