Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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