I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
vagina is talking i cant
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
