The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
