Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
