I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize