my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
