he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You ruined the universe
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
