Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
