Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
